It had been a pleasant day, an easy Sunday I would call it. Done my favorite thing of all, spent time with the kids, get them through homework, goofing around and a little bit more.
But like an unexpected hurricane, anger swept through the evening and everything fell flat on its face. An easy Sunday had become tainted with rage and a descent to the unthinkable.
To say I saw red today and felt boiling anger would be putting it lightly. A dark place I have never been in and a place I sure as hell never want to go to again. Never!
Anger is a useful emotion, make no mistake. But it’s a wild horse that the reins must always remain firmly in your hands. If you let it go, it will buck and kick in any and every direction destroying things in its path.
As I calmed down and felt remorse more because I had dropped notches in good conduct than for who or whatever had been in my path, I realized that the anger wasn’t the issue at all. It was the hurt behind the anger.
I knew my rage wasn’t solely about today, my rage was mostly from pent up feelings arising from unfairness, judgment, disregard, and much more. The tolerating of unkindness and uncouthness had finally taken its toll.
One tiny misstep today and I snapped. It was loud, it was wild, it was messy. And I hated it.
When we are hurt we often just suppress it and move on. Truth is, we never move on. We stock-pile until we implode or explode. We have a way of letting people get away with things done to us -intentionally or not- that hurt us.
As I learnt today, that is a really bad idea.
We must learn to speak up, speak out then let go. Whether or not the other person is sorry, or will be sorry, we must find a way. That way we aren’t building an arsenal that can go off from the tiniest spark.
Most anger is from hurt, and when hurts aren’t taken care of the result isn’t pretty.
When you hurt someone be graceful and make amends, when you are hurt, be bold and put it out there. Not to get an apology from the offender but to unclutter your mind for more valuable stuff.
Holding in hurt is also toxic to your health. Remember that.