You decide to do nothing. Just sit still and do nothing. Your mind seemed to constantly be dealing with ceaseless chatter and activity. It was annoying, you wanted it to be still so you could hear. Hear the tiny voice beneath the chatter. There was something there you needed to listen to, to hear.
The day was slow and almost excruciating, but your mind had slowed down some though it did not unburden its contents, that came weeks later.
That day home alone, you had slept through the night. No palpitation no constriction in the chest. You slept like you had not in months.
Lesson: your mind had been on steroids and needed to detox. So you took half an hour a day to do nothing. Just seat still and listen, no T.V, no phones, no distractions, nothing.
The day your mind would unburden itself to you was like any other, you were sleeping well now but the tightness at the pit of your stomach had refused to go away.
As you turned in for the night and willed your mind not to begin analyzing the day’s events or strategizing for the next, it hit you, your life was at a dead end.
The trajectory of every key area in your life was mapped out (all things being equal), your work, your social and family life. Your life had gone on autopilot and you had let it have –sic- a life of its own.
You had stopped visiting the Home five years ago when you got this new job. You no longer took your kids to the community park nor rough and tumbled with them. At weekends you just wanted to stay at home and zone out if you were lucky not to be at work or travelling.
You realize now that your spouse had stopped complaining about your back to back schedule away from the family.
You do not remember the last time you played piano with your son, it had been your Sunday morning ritual since he was five. Now in college you explained his detachment from you away as ‘hormones’.
You had dropped the ball. Worked yourself into the dark abyss of success no matter the cost.
It was neigh dawn, the clarity with which you saw your life in the last five years and the bleakness in the future should you continue in the same way scared and excited you at once.
At least now you knew for sure you had no enemies that wanted to fight you spiritually. The enemy you needed to wrestle was within. The enemy of imbalance and unconscious living and blind ambition.
Slowly, the knot at the pit of your stomach loosened and you drifted off to sleep as the birds began to chirp outside your bedroom window.
Your Soul Sister,